how to get things done with littles in the house
Do you feel overwhelmed by the piles of laundry and unwashed dishes? Can’t remember the last time you showered? I’ve been there. But I’m here to tell you that it is possible to take care of yourself and your home while you have littles. The secret is a beautiful little thing called Independent Playtime.
When to Start
It’s ideal to start independent playtime in the newborn stage, but it’s also never too late to start, even with a preschooler
Why it’s good for them
Babies and toddlers need regular alone time to relax, stretch, explore their bodies and observe the world around them. They need a bit of space when no one is stimulating them (holding them, wearing them, playing with them, or talking to them) These also tend to be the times when babies practice milestones like rolling, pushing up, sitting and standing. If they don’t get this time, they are likely to become overstimulated and fussy, which is when many parents will pick them up and bounce them, leading to a cycle of overstimulation.
how to start
If your child has never had the privilege of experiencing independent playtime, begin easing them into it gradually. It is like a muscle that must be exercised with practice. Here are the steps:
The best time to do this is right after feeding your child, as this is generally when they are the most content
Choose a task that will take only a minute, such as unloading the top rack of the dishwasher, switching over a load of laundry, wiping the counters, brushing your teeth, etc
Before you begin the task, hold them and cuddle them for a bit. Then tell them that you are now going to put them down, and that you believe they can do this (you’re saying this more for yourself, but it helps to say it out loud)
Then, place them on a flat, stationary surface near you (sitting or laying depending on their age) on a soft blanket, carpet or mat. It’s fine to give them nothing to play with, as they are likely to observe the world around them, explore their body or practice milestones. If you want, give them a household item, like a spoon or piece of laundry or hairbrush. Avoid providing them with more than 1-2 items at a time as this can be overstimulating.
Begin your task. When they cry, offer occasional reassuring words and smiles, but refrain from touching them until you complete the task. Do not worry, even if they cry intensely. They will be ok and they can learn to do this. It is not traumatizing to your child to sit near you while you complete necessary tasks. This is a normal part of life, and good for them and you. This is just new to them and small children protest change by crying.
Additionally, it’s a good idea to accustom your child to not seeing you for a couple of minutes. Place your child in a safe space such as a pack n play, tell them that you will be right back, and leave the room for a few seconds. Gradually increase the time until you are able to use the restroom in another room without your child experiencing any anxiety.
After you’re done, hold them and cuddle them, and tell them good job!
Practice this several times a day. Once they are able to handle a minute of independent play without any anxiety or crying, gradually increase the amount of time a bit each day.
The future rewards
Soon, you will be able to shower, cook a meal, fold laundry, catch up on work emails, etc while your child plays happily near you. This is the foundation for eventually having a preschooler who can entertain themselves without a parent or screen, which is a huge game changer for the peace and productivity of your household for years to come. Move them around the house with you as you complete tasks, and they will enjoy experiencing the changes of scenery: watching the rain on the window, the water on the shower door, the clothes in the washing machine, and eventually “helping” you with your tasks
reconnect at mealtime
Think of meal time as connection time, so that between mealtimes, you can have your child play independently without guilt. If your child has started solids, try to eat with them when they eat, connecting over the meal, without screens. While feeding milk to an infant, enjoy all the cuddles, skin-to-skin, talking or singing to them, praying over them, gazing into their eyes, without looking at your phone.
chore time
Toddlers as young as 12-18 months LOVE to “help” with chores! They can hand you laundry to fold, move clothes to the dryer, put away their plastic dishware into a low drawer, stir a bowl of water to “help” you cook, or “help” you wipe a table with their own cloth. It may not be much actual help to you at first, but it’s gradually teaching them these life skills and how to enjoy working hard, keeping them occupied and connected with you while you get things done.
share your experience!
If you have tried this or have established independent playtime / choretime in your own home, share your tips and experiences in the comments below!